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Use a signed written loan agreement (or promissory note) before transferring money to a boyfriend or girlfriend. The document should identify both people, state the principal and funding date, set the interest and repayment schedule, explain default and late-payment consequences, and say that the debt remains payable if the relationship ends. Transfer the money through a traceable account, keep the signed agreement and payment records, and obtain state-specific legal and tax advice when the amount, collateral or enforcement risk is significant.
Why a written agreement matters between romantic partners
A transfer between partners can be portrayed later as a gift, shared household contribution or informal help unless the evidence shows a debtor-creditor relationship. A signed agreement creates contemporaneous evidence of the parties’ intent and gives both people the same written rules. It also reduces arguments about what was promised when memories, living arrangements or the relationship itself change.
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Keep the transaction separate from the relationship. Send the funds from one identifiable account to the other, retain the transfer confirmation, and use a payment ledger. Follow the written schedule in practice. A note that says “monthly payments” while the lender accepts irregular gifts or repeatedly says repayment is unnecessary can be weaker evidence that a real loan existed.
Include an express relationship-boundaries clause: a breakup, separation, move-out, change in cohabitation or change in relationship status does not cancel, convert or postpone the debt. State that gifts, rent, shared bills and future advances are separate transactions unless both people sign an amendment adding them to the loan.
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Choose the right document and loan structure
Promissory note or full loan agreement
A promissory note is primarily the borrower’s written promise to repay a specified amount. A two-sided loan agreement can contain that promise and also establish the lender’s and borrower’s duties, collateral, default remedies, notices, governing law and procedures for amendments. For a straightforward, unsecured advance, a carefully drafted note may be sufficient. Use a fuller agreement when the amount is substantial, payments will run for a long time, collateral or a guarantor is involved, or you need detailed remedies.
| Choice | What it does | Important trade-off |
|---|---|---|
| Promissory note | Records the borrower’s promise, principal, interest and repayment terms. | Usually contains less detail about collateral, notices, remedies and each party’s other duties. |
| Full loan agreement | Sets mutual obligations, default procedures, security, notices, governing law and interpretation rules. | Requires more drafting and may need separate security or guarantee documents. |
| Demand loan | Becomes payable when the lender makes a valid demand under the document. | Creates less payment certainty and has different federal below-market-loan tax treatment from a term loan. |
| Term loan | Uses scheduled payments and a defined maturity date. | Needs an accurate schedule and does not qualify for the limited $10,000 demand-loan exception described by IRS Publication 550. |
| Unsecured loan | Relies on the borrower’s promise and ability to pay. | If the borrower defaults, the lender generally has no pledged asset to liquidate. |
| Secured loan | Identifies collateral and gives the lender an agreed interest in it. | Requires precise descriptions, valuation, maintenance and insurance terms, plus any state-law filing or perfection steps. |
Fixed or variable interest
A fixed rate keeps the payment calculation predictable. A variable rate must identify its index, the initial rate, reset dates, adjustment method, and any cap or floor. State law may limit the rate or charges, so do not assume a rate is lawful merely because both partners agree to it.
Clauses every agreement should contain
1. Parties, addresses and intent
Use each person’s full legal name and current address, not only a nickname. Identify who is the lender and who is the borrower. Add a clear statement that the advance is a loan that must be repaid, not a gift, contribution to a shared household, payment for services or an informal relationship expense. If either person uses a business or trust, identify the actual legal borrower and authorized signer.
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2. Principal and funding
State the exact principal, currency and date the funds are advanced. Describe the transfer method, such as an electronic transfer to a named account, and specify whether the agreement covers one advance or multiple advances. If future advances are possible, require a signed draw request or amendment for each one; do not rely on text messages or verbal promises.
3. Interest and lawful charges
Specify whether interest is fixed or variable, the annual rate, the day-count method, when accrual begins, and how accrued interest is posted. State whether payments are applied first to accrued interest, then principal, or in another lawful order. Include any lawful late charge separately from interest. Check the governing state’s usury and consumer-credit rules before setting the rate or fees.
4. Repayment schedule and maturity
Write the installment amount, payment frequency, first payment date, each recurring due date, final maturity date and the account or method used for payment. Attach an amortization schedule when the payment stream is complex. The schedule should identify the interest and principal allocation for each installment and explain how rounding is handled. For a demand loan, state how and where the lender must deliver a demand and when payment is due after that demand.
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5. Prepayment
Say whether the borrower may pay early in whole or in part without a penalty. Explain how a partial prepayment affects the remaining balance, payment amount or maturity date. If a prepayment charge is contemplated, confirm that it is permitted by applicable law and describe the calculation precisely.
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Define when a payment is late and provide any grace period. State the notice required before a default is declared, the time allowed to cure, and the lawful late charge. If acceleration is permitted, explain which event triggers it and how the lender gives notice that the entire unpaid balance is due. Address collection costs and attorney fees only to the extent allowed by law. Name the permitted court or dispute venue and the governing law, while recognizing that mandatory consumer protections may still apply.
7. Collateral and guarantors
If the loan is secured, describe each item precisely enough to distinguish it from other property. State who owns it, where it is located, who may possess or use it, and the borrower’s duties to maintain, insure and avoid impairing its value. A separate security agreement, lien, title notation or public filing may be required to perfect the lender’s interest; the requirements depend on the property and state law. If someone guarantees repayment, use a separate guarantee that identifies the guarantor’s obligations, limits and signing requirements.
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8. Relationship boundaries
Include the survival clause for a breakup or change in living arrangements. Clarify that ordinary gifts, rent, utilities, groceries and shared expenses do not reduce principal unless a signed writing says they do. Also state that forgiving, rescheduling or increasing the debt requires a written amendment signed by both parties.
9. Notices and contract administration
List the physical or electronic addresses for formal notices and explain when a notice is effective. Require written amendments and identify how waivers work so that accepting one late payment does not automatically waive future rights. Add severability, an entire-agreement clause, counterparts or electronic-signature language where permitted, and a promise that each signer receives a complete copy. Ensure the governing-law clause matches the state whose law you expect to apply.
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Federal tax rules can treat a below-market loan as having interest even when the agreement charges little or none. Internal Revenue Code section 7872 treats covered below-market gift and demand loans as if forgone interest were transferred to the borrower and then retransferred as interest. IRS Publication 550 generally describes a below-market loan as a demand loan charging less than the applicable federal rate (AFR), or a term loan whose payment stream has a present value below the amount advanced.
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The IRS publishes AFRs each month in the Internal Revenue Bulletin. Check the AFR in effect when the loan is made and compare it with the rate in the agreement. The result can depend on the principal, term, whether the loan is a demand or term loan, how the money is used and the parties’ relationship. Keep records supporting the amount funded, rate, dates and payments so a tax professional can evaluate the treatment.
Publication 550 describes a limited $10,000 exception for certain gift or compensation-related demand loans when the funds are not used to buy or carry income-producing assets. That exception does not apply to term loans. It is not a blanket exemption for every small personal loan, and it does not eliminate the need to document the transaction. Ask a tax professional about any interest reporting, imputed-interest calculation or gift-tax consequence before signing.
Signing and funding checklist
- Complete every blank and have both people read the same final version.
- Initial material handwritten changes and confirm that names, addresses, principal, rate and dates match the intended deal.
- Sign and date the final document; use a witness or notary when local law, the collateral instrument or a lender policy calls for one.
- Exchange complete copies, including every schedule, security agreement and guarantee.
- Transfer funds only after execution, using an account that creates a durable transaction record.
- Save the transfer confirmation with the agreement.
- Record every payment with its date, amount and allocation between interest and principal.
- Document any extension, payment change, additional advance or forgiveness in a signed amendment.
Common mistakes and how to correct them
- Calling the money a gift in messages: preserve consistent written language that it is a repayable loan and avoid contradictory statements.
- Using a vague “pay me back when you can” promise: choose a demand structure with a demand procedure or specify installments and maturity.
- Funding before signing: execute the agreement first; if money already changed hands, acknowledge the original funding date and current balance in a signed document.
- Mixing household expenses with principal: maintain a separate ledger and identify any amount that changes the loan balance.
- Skipping collateral formalities: a promise to pledge property may not create a perfected security interest. Obtain the separate instrument and filing or title steps required for that property and state.
- Ignoring late payments: apply the written notice and cure process consistently, and record any temporary accommodation as a written, limited waiver or amendment.
- Assuming a breakup ends the debt: rely on the express survival clause and continue sending formal notices to the listed address.
- Choosing a rate without checking law or tax: review state limits and the current AFR before execution.
When professional review is especially important
Exact usury limits, consumer-credit requirements, statute-of-frauds rules, electronic-signature validity, limitation periods, marital-property effects and security-interest filings vary by state and facts. Obtain state-specific legal review when the amount is large, collateral or a guarantor is involved, payments are already late, either person wants acceleration or collection remedies, or the agreement crosses state lines. A tax professional should review below-market or interest-free arrangements, income-producing use of funds, and any question about imputed interest or reporting.
A relationship does not substitute for loan documentation. A complete agreement, traceable funding, disciplined payment records and written amendments give both partners a clearer financial arrangement and better evidence of what they actually agreed to.
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